*note that this post was written almost a week ago. I just didn’t want the online world to know we were away.
Uplifting words for the start of a new year, don’t you think? Since my last post, so much has happened. I have barely had 2 seconds to string thoughts together.
Last week, I had the opportunity to leave my job on a high note and with amazing references. Although, to go from feeling like an all star to feeling like the only option is to leave your job is not pleasant. I have beat myself up and wondered what I could have done differently. I have also signed something saying I won’t rock the boat, so if I sound vague, that is why.
Leaving a job that you actually really enjoy and where 99.9% of the people you work with are amazingly wonderful people is heart wrenching. The people are what makes the difference. I had the most amazingly caring boss and a team that I loved going for a pint with. I would show up every day genuinely excited to be in the office.
The work part is the area that just didn’t work out. And there really is nothing I could have done differently. Which is not the same thing as saying I haven’t learned and grown and in the future have a new tool set on which to draw.
In my time there, I got to be a part of photo shoots with our marketing team. I helped put on an event at the Saatchi Gallery where we released a new collection and attended the event as a representative of the company. I designed new areas of the showroom and helped style and merchandise. I oversaw the demolition of half of a building that would eventually become our warehouse and sourced trades and materials. I found a team of architects, quantity surveyors and project managers to oversee the design and build of our future headquarters. I found such a good team that I worked myself out of work.
I worked hard, and I learned a tonne. I have no regrets and I hold no ill will. And I failed. Right now I feel like there is power in failing. We all are afraid to fail at something and once you do fail, you realize that failure really isn’t that bad. It hurts and is painful, but I’m not dead and I will continue to do what I love and take chances and learn and grow. That’s the risk I’m willing to take.
For all this to happen the week before Christmas and 2 days before my 30th birthday seemed unfair. And I so badly want to stay in a place of anger and resentment. But as my dad so kindly reminded me, anger is the one emotion that is unsustainable. So I have to look at what is and stop having a conversation with myself about what could have been.
My dad came for a 9 day visit, and it’s a big reason why I feel so calm about everything. He was here for my birthday and Christmas and it was exactly what I needed – time with family. And I got a couple of extra days off to enjoy with him, which worked out famously.
So as I write this, on a flight to Marrakech, I have the ability to look at what my options are and be excited rather than sad. 2014 holds all sorts of possibilities. In 2013, we closed the doors to our life in Vancouver and flew to London to start a new, unknown life. Phil started his new job within the company he works with, and I found my job. We visited Cornwall, Paris, Stockholm, Berlin and now Marrakech. We’ve explored London and done so many things we could never have imagined.
So I may be doing more posts again as Phil and I gear up for another year of adventure and a lot of unknown territory.