Melt down

I suspected this might happen at some point. That moment when you think “What have I done?” It happened on Sunday. One thing turned into another (in my head) and the whole thing collapsed into a giant heap of sadness and uncertainty. My dad was there to catch me on Father’s Day of all days and we had a good couple of tears together.

The “things” were mostly my job situation and Phil, but somehow other things got tossed in there like missing my blender and wanting to print something and seeing sunshine in Vancouver (and definitely not here) and not being able to call someone in the same time zone and wanting to take my car out and wanting to have a good shower.

The job situation feels a little hopeless. I said I’d be honest. I’m always the queen of putting a positive spin on something. Right now, I just need a place to be honest. I’ve been told over and over again that I need UK experience. Well, let me know how to get that experience, and I’ll jump all over it and throw in a cartwheel for free. I heard back from Yoo yesterday and while it wasn’t a “no” it also wasn’t a “yes.” It was a “we’re on hold for hiring right now until a big project comes in.” All I really want is to wake up, go to a job with good people, do what I love everyday and feel fulfilled and nourished by my career. Is that too much to ask? The ironic part is that Heather and I have been getting requests for work in Vancouver. One of them is being the designer of show homes for a well respected boutique development firm. I know I got tonnes of amazing advice to think outside the box from so many of you in an earlier post, and I do so appreciate it. Is it wrong for me to want to just take the “normal” route: apply for job, get call back, have interview, get hired?I don’t think I’ve ever had that experience. Everything I’ve ever had happen, I’ve pushed for and done something different and called people a million times and followed up and gone out on a limb for. So it works. I can hear the martyr in me.

Then there was Phil. He hasn’t been able to continue with phlebotomy’s (blood draws) for his hemachromatosis on a regular basis. He’s been doing strange things like falling asleep during dinner, on the bus or sitting at his computer screen. It had me a little freaked out on Sunday, because that is not the Phil I know. His leg has gotten really bad to the point where he can’t really walk very far without severe pain. So that really limits our options for getting out of the house, which for me is starting to feel a bit like a holding cell. He’s also not loving his 3 hours of commuting every day. When we looked at the schedule for trains, we thought “Oh, 30-40 minutes on the train isn’t so bad.” But door-to-door is a different story.

So Sunday was my day of trying to process all of this and wonder if we’ve made the right decision and wanting so desperately to just head to Victoria for the weekend to think things through. I very badly want to put a positive spin on this post and make it sound all hunky dory, but I’m not going to. Not because I don’t think this will pass, but because this is what we are experiencing as people who have just relocated to a new country.

(image via here)


5 thoughts on “Melt down

  1. You definitely did not take the easy route Tara. Is it possible to find something even if it’s not in your field that may bring in a little income and get you out of the house i.e. coffee house, an interior design store? Maybe you and Jo could set up a running group in London. Are you able to get out for a run? That can lift your spirits. Another thought is to get back to Yoo and volunteer until something big comes along – an internship of sorts. Usually organizations do not turn down free help (although I do not agree with for-profit organizations getting free labour).

    • Thanks Mumsy! I’ve been looking at more options. And some great stuff has come out of my post. I haven’t been running. I miss Phil as my running partner. But I have been going to Zumba regularly.

  2. Ideas;
    – Dubai. Check it out. Same for Asia. Do you remember the story about my uncle Mac who was the head of oral surgery for all of Alberta? He started by going to work at Harlem Hospital and he said that in 2 years of being there he got more experience than working for 20 years at a “normal” hospital. Consider going where the work is, even if that means travel for a while.
    – What about Vancouver or other North American companies that you could open a London office for?
    – Go direct to developers.
    – Find or create a team to renovate and sell or rent flats. 800 square feet or less flats.
    – Use your knowledge and experience to raise capital and put it to work to create the work that you want to do – interior design.

    • I just watched Seth Godin talking about shipping. I think my problem might not be ideas, but shipping those ideas. Thanks for the amazing thoughts Dadio!

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