The job hunt

Why is it that after putting out literally one job application, if I don’t hear back right away, I think the world is coming to an end? There’s something about looking for work that brings out all my insecurities. Maybe that’s why I’ve always worked for myself.  Most people don’t start businesses because they’re afraid to fail, well I hate to break it to you, but you can fail working for someone else too.

I’ve literally sent my portfolio to one agency (the one I think is the best though) late this morning and am panicking and over-thinking everything. Did I say the right thing in the email? Is my portfolio really that terrible that no one will hire me? Do I have enough experience for any job? Maybe I’m not even a good enough designer to sweep their floors. Maybe I wrote down his email address wrong. Maybe there are no jobs out there and my days will be spent wallowing away at what my experience in London could have been. Dramatic – I know!

The fact is, I know none of those things are true. Logic is buried somewhere beneath all the negative things that spring up like little mouse traps in my brain. I think it’s hard when you want something so badly to put yourself out there. I really didn’t want to write about this, but it’s my reality, and I’m hoping somehow it will make it better. Sometimes I think, if I pretend I really don’t want it that badly, then when it doesn’t happen, I won’t be judged for it. Isn’t that a lame stand for something. How powerless and pitiful. That’s not the kind of person I want to show up as in this world.

I want to be someone who stands for living a full life, taking chances and going for my dreams. And one of those dreams is to spend my life infatuated with my career as an Interior Designer. I want to learn constantly and grow constantly, not so that I can be better or smarter, but because I am inspired by it. When I read blogs or someone asks me for advice, I feel this explosive ball grow in the pit of my stomach that just wants to spew design.

So right here, right now, I am taking a stand to create an amazing career in London as an Interior Designer. I am going to thank the bossy pants in my head and politely ignore her unhelpful comments. I know they won’t go away, but they don’t have to dictate what actions I take or don’t take. And I know I am capable of creating what I want – we wouldn’t be in London otherwise.

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6 thoughts on “The job hunt

  1. In answer to your questions:
    No, the world has not come to an end.
    Tara, your the one that tells everyone else what to say so I’m pretty sure you didn’t say the wrong thing in the email.
    Your portfolio is great and someone will think so and hire you.
    You have the experience of creating your own successful interior design business, was chosen by your instructor to work with her, and have design retail experience.
    Shawn says don’t knock the floor sweeping and he can give you tips in that regard.

    Take a deep breath and keep putting it out there. Keep your eyes and ears open for signs for direction from the powers that be. Stay positive.

    Keep it real. xoxox

    • Didn’t mean to insult Shawn!! 🙂 Oops! I sure put my foot in it, didn’t I?! I sometimes forget that this goes out for everyone to see. I think I should start meditating again – that would probably help with keeping my eyes and ears open. XO T

  2. Tara,

    So……

    What are you not so much “going to create”, as “who is lucky enough to have you on their team”.

    Here’s my bossy pants talking to your bossy pants.

    Consider doing some research to find out who the 5-10 firms are that you would love to be on their team, go and meet them and be there to interview them and to make damn sure that their culture is a great fit for you and them, and then consider working with, and not for them.

    Please consider meeting Adam, former head of the London Stock Exchange as he knows a ton of people.

    Let me know if you would like to brainstorm.

    Hugs,

    Dad

    • Ahhh… So wise! I’m just so excited to jump in and start learning and working that I want everything to happen instantly! And there are honestly so many amazing places to work it seems like, that it would be hard to even create a list.

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